Thursday, April 5, 2012

Making Happy

I am pretty good at making happy. I have always been. As I watch Ava grow I think she knows how to do it too. Lilly is only 17 months old and there is a particular angst that goes along with this age where you are completely aware but posses very little reason and have low communication skills - i.e. if you are given three gold fish and you want more but there are no more, you can't understand, you're so tired, so you drown yourself in screaming until something comes along to make you forget about them or in Lilly's case your Mama scoops you up and covers you with kisses as you cling to her and sob and sob about the crime of no more goldfish.

(Above her sister touched her favorite cat towel and then I didn't pick her up after she got it back. End of the world.)

But anyway, so we don't know about Lo lo (as we affectionately call her) yet, but me and Ava we are happy makers. I think I was about school age when I started changing my dreams - I remember laying down and closing my eyes and conjuring up my bestest friend Candy Roper. We would run and play all night, my mom would often come in my room thinking I was awake as I would talk to Candy and my other night time pals in my sleep. My Ava has a whole slew of imaginary friends that she pops out anytime she's bored, it's quiet and then all the sudden you realize she's chatting it up with a friend.

I know how many pillows I need to sleep (three - two fluffy, one not), how to make my perfect morning iced latte, the kinds of rugs and pillows and stuff that I need to be happy in any home (it's all about the new West Elm look these days). The saddest, weirdest, most worry some days can be fixed for me with the right Pandora station and my favorite blanket, oh and maybe some Pinterest on my iPhone - so soothing ;) repin, repin, repin...

Sometimes I just need some hard, sweaty all day long work. The kind of work that makes your whole body tired but wipes your mind totally clean. Finding this simple settling in good things is important - so many people seem to be so lost to food, drugs, etc. to find peace. Or when I meet someone really perpetually grumpy it makes me wonder how long it has even been since they felt that full in your belly, warm, happy.

I don't need for all the stresses in my life to go away, they never will, there will always be some weird random thing going on just out of my control. I just need to take a drive with the windows down, put the girls in a full, hot bubble bath and dunk my feet in, write a blog post about the amazing and wonderful things in my life, watch a great movie with Joe.

I often hear people say that you need to find God to find peace but the more I consider this it feels backwards. I see people thinking they are following a spiritual life but not being able to see anything spiritual because they don't know how to slip out of this world into another place just with their own power over their own emotions, settling themselves down to a good, solid, happy place where they can hear.

p.s. When I write a post like this I always get emails asking if I am sad about something. Really today my motivation for writing this is watching my girls interact, feeling so inspired by Ava. Thinking of my husband who is at the moment working 7 days at week and gone from 6am to almost 10pm some days. Thinking of Lilly who poor little thing is getting six teeth in and how well this is all just life, busy and crazy and I want my family to always know how to walk out of those stresses at any moment and just be happy. How to make happy - no spouse or parent or friend can do that for you.

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