Thursday, March 25, 2010

worry and guilt

“I've yet to be on a campus where most women weren't worrying about some aspect of combining marriage, children, and a career. I've yet to find one where many men were worrying about the same thing.” Gloria Steinem

I talk with my friend Michelle in Texas, a lot, she has 3 kids under the age of 3. Michelle stays home and does some professional photography on the side. I work out of the home 4 days a week. We both have guilt, worries, and nagging feelings that keep us from fully appreciating the day to day.

We talk about how we feel guilty when we go too long without changing a diaper or when we put on a TV show so we can get dinner done when we already put one on to get through the laundry. I talk about the guilt of Ava being in daycare three days a week and Michelle talks about feeling like one of her children is always having to wait. I don't think either of us come across to people as women who worry or feel guilty - probably quite the opposite. I think I would describe my personal worries and guilts as sort-of a quiet humming channel of things I need to keep on my radar - not always totally healthy and quiet, but mostly.

Michelle and I talk about our husbands (both awesome guys) and how they can forget a diaper, a jacket, or even bigger stuff and it just wouldn't occur to them to worry about it or feel perpetually guilty about, well, anything.

I will say my worrying and guilt is probably why we move forward in a lot of areas. I do try to channel my 'mind affliction' in healthy ways - I am a huge planner and goal maker. I always have a mental list of to-do's cycling through, being constantly re-prioritized and edited.

Maybe 'worry' is an important part of the female role in the world. Especially as mothers we have to be tuned in to the smallest details like food choices, warm foreheads, the little gnawing on the thumb that is out of the ordinary and might be the sign of a troublesome molar, or even harder to detect - unspoken anxieties or fears.

Well let's just go with this thought anyway because I can't worry about worrying - that might be a sin ;)

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